Was It Racist? The Subtleties of Racism

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

"You sure your card is not going to get declined?" 

The waiter says, trying to be funny - or so he thinks. His target is the only Black person at the table of this restaurant. 

There's an awkward silence, and I'm ashamed to say my first thought was to gloss over the incident as a (bad) joke. After all, there's not a doubt in my mind that the payment would go through. It’s something I’ve heard plenty of times before. But still… the intention was not racist, was it?

And so, I did not immediately defend my friend, Chloë, immediately. I stayed silent for 24 hours before going back to complain. I did not know why my reaction had been this way, but I wrote this to help me understand my thoughts. Maybe I was more concerned with the white waiter's feelings of being called racist - for something he said, rather than putting Chloë first.

I imagined how the waiter would be so defensive (not apologetic) if I complained. I imagined the phrase that's been said to me lots of times "why does everything have to be about race... I don't even see colour".

I thought a few different things over the next day, I debated with myself over whether it was racist. It didn’t occur to me that it’s not up to me to decide whether it was. But at the very least, what does it mean for me, to not defend my friend from something which so clearly upset her? 

Maybe you think people are too sensitive these days, that they should be able to take a joke. You'll go even as far as mentioning that Black or Brown friend you have, as proof that you're not racist. Perhaps, like I did at first, you will battle with the intricacies of whether what happened could really be considered racism. It would be easier to just walk away from the situation…

So what, we're supposed to forget the history of racism and ignore the future of racism that has been put onto our dark skin? We should count our blessings that it wasn't intended to hurt us, humiliate us, or just cause offense?

What you must understand about racism, dear reader, is that it should be more concerned with how your actions are received - frankly, it doesn’t always matter what your intention was. Intention is a tricky thing - it does not absolve your actions.

So, I learned a valuable lesson. If a Person of Colour interprets what you said as racist - that's not an invitation to a debate. Let me say that again because it's a lesson I needed too - it's not a request for you to make a judgment or share your opinion on whether you found it or meant it to be racist. That’s a lesson that I needed to learn myself.

Racism is not just physical violence. It's prejudice, it's discrimination, against an individual or group of people based on their racial or ethnic group - their skin tone. It's not always conscious, but it always has the potential to be unkind.

The very act of “not seeing race” to me is a symptom of deeply misunderstood racism. That somehow, you believe that the tone of my skin does not impact the way I (and those who look like me) experience the world.  Your decision not to see all of me does not stop me from being all who I am - a person of colour, trying to be proud (or at the very least, unashamed of my skin colour).

Oftentimes, I've seen how this leads to discussions and throw-away comments from other people of colour who are adamant that it's not racist in their opinion. Well, if you're someone who does this, let me tell you it's wholly unnecessary. It's not up to another individual to decide the threshold of racism for somebody else. Your personal interpretation should not take priority over the opinion of the person who experienced the racism.

Just because it may not have been about race for you, does not mean it's not about race for someone else. In truth, you probably just don't understand their definition or experience of racism, after all, it's personal.

Racism is not as simple as what we’re taught as children - it evolves, it has layers, and it hides. In a world so tainted by white supremacy, maybe we're all racist, except in the moments we actively choose to practice anti-racism.