UKBP VOICES - Bi-Visibility Day: Lewis Oakley

1.What made you want to be a bisexual activist?  

It all started out with me having an argument with a gay guy in a bar who didn’t believe I was bisexual. I was so shocked that so much biphobia existed in the LGBTQ+ community. I wrote an article around it to get it off my chest and that really was where I planned to leave it.  

But then, something incredible happened. 

Bisexual men, from all around the world wrote to me to thank me for speaking up. About how they’d never really seen many bisexual people in national newspapers talking about our issues. I realised I could do a lot of good and help many bisexuals, a lot of who are closeted. I decided to keep going and to do what I could to improve the representation of bisexual men.   

2. What challenges have you experienced as a bisexual mixed-race man? When it comes to dating, being accepted, professional life? 

I think being mixed-raced gave me the strength to be an out bisexual man. I had this roadmap in my head, this energy, this belief that I’d learned from POC in my family. About not letting the world push you around, about speaking your truth, about insisting on fairness. I’m applying that energy to my work in the bisexual space.  

3. What are you doing to celebrate Bi Awareness Week? 

Things like this. Using my voice where I can, with whoever will have me, to increase representation wherever possible. I’m so grateful to UK Black Pride for giving me this space.  

4. What is your experience of being Bi and a person of colour?  

It’s tricky, it’s not been easy. I often think the queer community has been good at fighting homophobia/biphobia in the white community but hasn’t done such a good job in the black community. It’s just a different kettle of fish and the tools and arguments that have been successful to tackle stigma in the white community, won’t necessarily work in the black community.  

I still have more black friends than white friends who feel they can’t come out to their family. I’d like to see that change.  

5. Do you feel that Bisexuals are welcome within the QPOC community? What more could be done either way? 

I think so. Although I have heard the same old, ‘you’re greedy’ jibes that just aren’t necessary.  

6. What are the challenges of being part of two marginalised groups? 

The challenges can be when those two groups are at odds with one another. A few years ago, my grandad and I planned to travel to Jamaica, it was to be my first time going and I was excited to finally see my heritage.  

However, I was eventually put off the idea of going by other POC family members who felt I was too ‘bi visible’ to go. That it was a different place now and that as I’m easily googlable I might not be as safe as I would be if I were just a straight guy going out there.  

It was something I hadn’t really thought about, that being so public about my bisexuality might actually rob me of my chance to visit my heritage.  

7. Do you see the impact Bi visibility week has? 

I do. It gets us talking and challenging. I do wish it was bigger, but I’ll take what I can get. Bisexuality is so broad and bi people come in so many forms each with a different interpretation of the sexuality. This means there is so much to go over and unpack – we really need at least a month. :P  

8. How can the BAME/QPOC community be a better ally?  

Just champion bisexuals when you see them. Don’t bombard them with a million questions and make them feel like they are under an interrogation. Don’t invalidate them. Basically, just be nice.  

On a more impactful note, bi people struggle to have their voices heard and to have a seat at the table. Especially inside organisations that seek to bring about equality. This means bisexuality is often an afterthought in most movements. It’s as simple as asking yourself, does this idea or campaign only really champion gay BAME? Make sure you understand the unique issues facing bisexual people.  

9. You've recently become a father [congrats] outsiders may see this as erasing your bisexuality - what do you have to say to that?  

I would say most things can be seen as erasing my bisexuality. Years ago, when I used to walk down the street holding my ex-boyfriends hand people thought gay. Now they think straight.  

It’s important to remember that ‘yes, this is what bisexual looks like’. Bisexuality comes in so many forms. From a dad with his daughter, to a guy at a gay orgy. Our actions and our partners don’t define our bisexuality.